Read @ Joe’s

Title: Crooks (2025) Author: Lou Berney Publisher: William Morrow Book jacket: Crooks is an epic novel about a truly unforgettable family–forty years of peril as each Mercurio has to grapple, in their own way, with the family’s powerful criminal legacy. Joe says: Crooks is brisk, stylish, funny, and dirty in all the right ways. This is a zinger of a read that goes down as smoothly neat as it does on the rocks. And Crooks has rocks to share.

Lou Berney knows how to write crime fiction the way Sinatra knew how to wear a tux: sharp, smooth, and just a little smug about how good he looks doing it. He sidles up to genre tropes like he might borrow a cigarette, but then he steals the whole damn pack and makes off with your lighter too. His latest, Crooks, is a dissertation in stylish subversion: part character study, part caper, and all Berney. His rat-a-tat prose, scene-stealing dialogue, and turns of phrase are as lean as they are lethal. Crooks is about a crime family (kinda) who pull off a number of heists (sorta) and deliver it flambé style (definitely delicious). Crooks is a zinger of a read that goes down as smoothly neat as it does on the rocks. And Crooks has rocks to share. 

Now let’s be clear. This ain’t a saga about a criminal empire. Crooks is not The Godfather, it’s not The Sopranos, hell, this ain’t even the Byrdes of Ozark. The Mercurio clan, fathered by nom de guerre’d up Buddy, are less a syndicate than a scattered deck of wild cards. They steal, they scheme, they screw up. Mostly, they run. But like any good family story, it’s not about what they do, it’s about who they are. And Crooks is their story.

The structure’s clever: each chapter is its own mini-heist, zooming in on one member of the Mercurio clan. Buddy and Lillian start the story. How this parental Bonnie and Clyde meet in Vegas. How they lived and loved, conned and ran. Subsequent chapters focus on each of their offspring: Jeremy, the radiant gigolo chasing money and love in neon-lit ’80s Hollywood; Tallulah, who crash-lands into self-discovery in post-Soviet Moscow; Ray, the romantic bruiser with dreams of restoring vintage Vegas charm; Alice, the brainiac too clever for her own good yet falls into a blackmailing quagmire; and finally boring Piggy, the one who opted out. He’s the designated driver at the afterparty for a family who never sobered up. Each chapter reads like a novella and Berney uniquely crafts his style for each.

For Ray’s chapter? Berney weaves straw into gold. A smoky cocktail of Ocean’s 11 vibes, low-key love, and just enough gunplay to keep things spicy. There’s a monkey. There’s a betrayal. There’s a glimmer of redemption. In other words, a regular Tuesday night in Vegas. Ray’s the kind of character you want to root for, even when you know there is going to be trouble. Alice comes close. Her brain is a weapon, her moral compass demagnetized, but she is spinning towards justice. Or at least an accounting. 

And while Berney makes sure none of the Mercurios are purely villainous (even when they’re up to no good), there’s enough grit on these pages to keep ya flipping. Not everyone wants out. Not everyone can get out. That’s the tension. That’s the tragedy. Most importantly, that’s the fun.

Now, cards on the table, Crooks ain’t Berney’s best. But “not his best” still puts him five city blocks ahead of most. What’s missing, maybe, is that final stitch. The closing knot. A full-circle reckoning for the Mercurios as a whole. There are threads still dangling here. Some of the arcs don’t close as much as they drift off, like smoke from a snuffed-out cigar. And maybe that’s the point. Maybe Crooks is more jazz than symphony. But still, you’d like there to be one more beat. 

That said, Crooks is never boring. Not even close. Crooks is brisk, stylish, funny, and dirty in all the right ways. This is Lou Berney doing what Lou Berney does best: giving us compelling people we want to invest in, even when we know better. The biggest crime here? That we have to wait for Lou’s next novel.

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A bada-bing of thanks to William Morrow for the advance treat. Any time I get a Lou Berney ARC is a cause for celebration. Cheers. Slainte. And the next round’s on me.